Start with yourself...

I wrote this blog last week.. but waited to share it, not sure why I didn't post it then, not sure why I'm posting it now, just.. I am.

I have this problem, well.. some would say it shows the true colors of my personality, but I look at it as a problem. I always have this feeling of need. Not that I always need someone or something, but that I want to be needed. It's part of who I am. Making others happy, seeing others smile, helping you solve your problems, hearing that deep belly laugh come out of someone because of something I said or did, and made them smile for the first time in days.. makes me smile. I love to care for people. But in return, I don't think it's too much to show that you care for them as well, or extend a simple "hey.. thanks for tonight.. it was great.. I really needed this"

As days go by, you learn the people who you have helped who simply used you for that.. your help, or the people in your life who are eternal grateful for your help, and want to repay you in every-way possible, but simply all you want is a thank you. There will always be the people in your life that no matter what will treat you like shit, because they know... no matter what... you will be there to lend a helping hand, or ALWAYS be there for that shoulder to cry on, that hand to hold, that voice of reason. Even after they did every last possible thing to hurt you, you are still there. It could be a best friend, an ex lover, a teacher or even a member of your own family. The same way these people may never say thank you, or even understand the amount of effort you just put forth for them, we also never say "hey... it's not that hard to say thanks.. yea I did it because I wanted to.. but just to let you know.. it hurts when you do this to me". The same way people take these small tasks for granted, maybe we should take their friendship for granted. Is it worth it?

You can't change the world. You can't change each other. All you can do is change yourself. I found this story the other day and thought I'd share it. It's about starting with yourself to see a change in the world:

When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country. But, it too, seemed immovable. As I grew into my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, those closest to me, but alas, they would have none of it. And now as I lie on my deathbed, I suddenly realize: If I had only changed my self first, then by example I would have changed my family. From their inspiration and encouragement, I would then have been able to better my country and, who knows, I may have even changed the world.

So I'm doing just that. After a very depressing end to 2009, I wasn't sure if I even knew who I was... I entered into a spiral of depression, started to drink more.. for the shear fact that hey.. i had no one to please... I contemplated smoking... (which if you know me Is a BIG DEAL) I went as far as buying a pack of cigarettes... unwrapping them.. taking one out.. and well.. there was no lighter in the car, you would think dating a smoker, or visiting the cemetery often to see my dad and light a candle I'd have a lighter or match handy. negative. That pack of cigarettes ended up being thrown away which I know a handful of people who would of fought over a free pack of marlboros. ;) Back on track... around october of 2009 I filled out all the necessary paperwork to volunteer myself as a "Big Brother/ Big Sister" which in my opinion is one of the greatest organizations around for young children. As I went to go mail my application in... I thought about why i was doing this. I was having a really rough day.. it so happened to be the anniversary of my dads death that day as well. but someone came through for me on that day. I ended up getting a text message that day telling me that they were thinking about me today, and my dad would be proud of the person I am. I broke down. I wasn't ready to move on and help someone else in need. You must better yourself, before you can better the lives of someone else. That application stayed on my desk.. for a solid month before I did anything with it. I threw it away. I wasn't ready.

But the point is.. do something to change yourself. Do something to better the lives of others. Make a difference in someone's life. One of my favorite in-class exercises that I remember doing was a "30 second quiz" these 30 second quizzes are usually the ones teachers will pop on you in an ethics, leadership or sociology class. For example.. when teachers give you a final exam they say "there is only one question on this test, this will either pass or fail you for the semester" ... you get the test and the question is "What is the name of the cleaning lady in your dorm?" How many people know the cleaning lady of their dorm? or the guy who comes in and cleans your office after you leave? Not many of us. I found online the actual quiz I remember taking:

Try taking it yourself.. don't bother getting a paper/pencil. If you cant answer it MOVE ON!

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America contest.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer prize.
5. Name the last five Academy Award winners for Best Actor and Actress.

How did you do?

The point is, none of us remembers the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They're the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Now here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. Name three teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worth while.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

Easier? The lesson? The people who make a difference in your life aren't the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They're the ones who care.

So although I may not have the most credentials, the most money, the most awards... I Care. I will always care. I'm here when you need me, but remember... Your also THERE when I need YOU. I know the people for my answers. And I'm not afraid to tell them who they are. Are you afraid to tell the people who you just answered to the last 5 questions that they helped shaped your life? Maybe you helped shape their life too!

Now that I feel like I'm back on the right track.. it's time to help someone else. That application I spoke of earlier for Big Brother/ Big Sister? It's all filled out, and ready to be mailed. I'm ready to make a difference in the lives of someone else. I'm ready to make someone feel special. I'm ready to help someone through a difficult time. I'm ready, because like I said.. it starts with yourself.