Everyone always says "where did this year go" but for the first time in my life... I know what everyone is talking about. WHERE THE HELL DID 2009 GO? I still remember the year as if it was yesterday. 2009 was a year of firsts for me. First love, first heartbreak, first breakup, first time i've felt like myself, first time facing my fears and past head on, and just first time finally being and expressing JOSHUA for who he is. It has been a year alright!
As many of you know in 2009 I came out to my family which was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Not because I thought they wouldn't accept me for who I was.. but just because coming out is a whole challenge in itself. With a strong support team behind me, I was able to tackle not only coming out in 2009, but a lot of my other fears and failures. I was able for the first time in YEARS to cut someone out of my life that was having a negative impact on me as an individual. You never really know how much someone from your past can have an impact on you until something life changing either happens to you, or them. It wasn't until months later did I realize how much of an impact this person was having on my life. Because of them I found it hard to trust, hard to love, hard to be me. Our relationship that we had years ago, was still haunting me. I did what I had to do in order to move on and have some kind of closure. And hey.. it worked.
One thing I learned this year was the power of friendship. Sometimes when your life is so consumed by others.. you tend to lose sight of what's really important. Friendship and family. Going through a roller coaster of emotions this year.. from beginning to end.. one person who I could always count on is my mom. Believe it or not.. at the age of 23... I cried to my mom more times than I have EVER cried to anyone. hahaha. Say what you want, but the love a mother shares with her son, that bond.. that bond is one of the strongest. ESPECIALLY when her son is gay and tells her those black satin pumps DEFINITELY do not match that sequence top. ;) (what was she thinking?!?!) but no seriously.. I lost count the amount of times this year I'd come home fight with my mother about the stupidest thing, lock myself in my room, and come crying to her minutes later realizing I was wrong.. and realizing I had no one to turn to except for her. Without a question, she would come running to my rescue to hold me, to comfort me, to console me. To be my mom.
As individuals we try and be the strongest we possibly can in front of others. But the truth is.. we all have a weak side, we all have a moment we let our guard down. We all have THAT moment when we find ourself alone, and really just need someone there with us. We've all had them at one point or another. God at this point in our life usually sends us an angel in disguise. This "angel" can be someone, something, a pet, a person, a symbol showing us he is there. I can't even begin to describe the amount of angels that have picked me up this year when I thought I was at my lowest of lows. From family and friends to pets and emails. The number of angels around all of us are uncountable!
So at the end of 2009, I look back and reflect as to what God, the angels, my family and friends... what they have given me. They have given me new hope, new dreams, and new aspirations for 2010. The other day I received this email that I'd like to share with you.. instead of focusing on the negative in our lives we must try and think of the positive that can come from it. Sometimes life doesn't always give you the lemons you've been hoping for but there are always worse out there than us. For they would only pray to have the problems we have: Today before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak. Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat. Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out to GOD for a companion. Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who went too early to heaven. Before whining about the distance you drive Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet. And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job. And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and think: you're alive and still around.
Tomorrow as I watch the ball drop, from the same spot I did last year... surrounded by the same people (more than likely) I'll stand there alone and be thankful for all the people who have helped me through 2009. I'll circle the room and see all the smiling and happy faces hug and kiss and toast the free champagne (unless you lost your red ticket!) and just sit back and enjoy the moment for what it is. As 2009 ends, I challenge all of you to tell someone from 2009 how much of an impact they have made in your life this year. Find that special someone who may not know how much they mean to you.. and find a way to share and tell them before the year is over. I did it today, you can too. I challenge you. Think of someone other than yourself. Think of the impact your actions have made on others, and look back in your own life and see who has made the biggest impact on YOU this past year. Don't be afraid of the response you might get... Just tell them. If anything, it's a form of flattery! So hats off to you 2009, you've been an intense year of emotions. Happy, sad, positive and negative. You've been a year of love, hate, happiness and heartbreak. You've been a year filled with new beginnings, new life, weddings, births, deaths and romances. You've been a year filled with pride and sorrow, new friends and old friends. A year where old friends became new friends again, and a year where friendships may have dissolved. But most of all you've been another year in all of our hats. If we could get through 2009 just fine, then 2010 should hopefully be just as easy.
Happy New Years everybody. May god bless. and I pray that your 2010.. goes a little smoother than 2009.
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