The First Snow

Living in New England, I think it's funny every time someone gets angry about the first snow. It's true.. you live in New England, you probably have your whole life... so why do people continue to get angry about the first time it snows? It's actually kind of funny. But on a deeper level, the first snow means a whole lot more. I guess it all depends on how you choose to look at it.

In life we make choices everyday. Every choice we make leads us down a new path, much like those choose your own adventure books. Today was... interesting to say the least. The past few weeks, every time something seems to be going right in life, something/someone comes a long and throws a nice little kink into the mix. I look back and try and figure out what choice I made in order for me to get to this point. But sometimes you can look back as much as you want, and try and find the root of your issue, but it is so deeply planted, and so complex. It is never ONE choice that leads you to where you are, it a series of events that I believe are pre-determined for us by a higher power. Which brings me to the subject of the first snow of the season.

The first snow usually falls late November, early December. Before the first snow of the season falls the weather is usually pretty ugly outside. Leaves everywhere, muddy, dark, cold nights... frost on the windows, Darker outside earlier... just all around gloomy. As the first snow falls it covers what is already outside. It covers the ground, trees, etc. in a fresh coat of white. White being the purest of all colors, representing a fresh start, a blank canvas, a second start. There is nothing to judge off of, just what you see. (nothing) There is something to be said for second chances in life. We have all been given a second chance, we have all wanted a second chance...

The snow is a second chance for the fall/winter. It gives the season a fresh start. Just when we all start to hate winter, we somehow get into the holiday spirit and the season of winter during the first snow fall. It makes us all pure again, brings us back to our childhood memories of snow days off from school, outside with our siblings and friends making snow angels and snowmen.. running inside and warming up by the fireplace with a cup of hot chocolate. But eventually we are faced with reality. The days of our childhood begin to fade, the same way the first snow begins to melt. The ugly that lies beneath is still there... and is now grey and dirty.

Once the snow begins to melt, we see what was already there beforehand. EXACTLY what was there to begin with, just being covered by something else. We can try and be someone else, we can try and fake it, we can put on a costume, a uniform, a fake persona. You may fall in love what was covered by the snow... but as the snow begins to melt, do you still love what ever it is that you were infatuated with to begin with? The answer should be yes. The true love lies on the inside. the ugly. Once you get past the outside (the fresh snow) do you love what's on the inside (beneath the snow)? Only once you look at yourself and love what's on the inside can you look at others and look at them for what is past the snow. past the physical features, look at them for who they are, what they do for others, how much support they have shown you, how REAL they are... if you can't love what is beneath your own layer of snow, there is no way you can love anyone else.

Only recently have I begun to love the dirty, muddy insides of myself. looking past what is on the outside, past the clothing, the career, past everything that is physical and tangible. Being put through an emotional ringer, (the snow plow of life) I can now see the inside. and I love what I see, and who I am.

Can you see it?

You can't blame a person for who they are. At times in life we have all done things that make us less than perfect, and not proud. But the strongest moments in life are when we are able to admit to others our own faults and flaws. I am not afraid to say I know what my flaws are. Trust being one of the major ones. Trusting someone in my life is hard to do... I have trusted very few people in my life, and one of the first people I trusted with my deepest darkest secrets found a way to play their emotions into my pain, and make the issues at hand about them, and filling their own voids without giving a care in the world to mine. Now, years later I am finally looking past "the first snow fall" and beginning to trust others again. If I can do it, you can do it too. Don't let anyone ever downplay your emotions or make you feel like one of your problems isn't important. If they are a true friend, no matter what the issue is.. they will care. If the issue is important enough for you to care about, they should too. I hate to end this on a lady gaga quote but hey.. I'm going to: recently, in an interview on ellen she said "Sometimes in life you don't always feel like a winner, but that doesn't mean that you're not a winner.."

Take time today, make your own blizzard. make your own fresh start on life. you might be surprised at what you learn about yourself. To close this out, I choose to end it with a song. Sometimes in the midst of a snow storm in life I wish I could fly away, like the birds fly south for winter. Sometimes we all wish we could get up from our problems and just fly away. Get away from here, see where else life will take us. But it's not that easy. We can't just get up and leave. Our problems will still be there when we get back.

Lyrics: Annie Lennox - Little Bird Lyrics