The Let down

In life people who we never thought would let us down, will. Relationships that we think are perfect will fall apart for reasons unknown. Acquaintances turn into friends, and friends can turn into enemies. Life has a funny way of working itself out... I remember reading "Life doesn't give you the people you want, it gives you the people you need, to help you, to hurt you, to love you, to leave you, and to make you into the person you were meant to be" I couldn't agree more. Someone who we may think is perfect for us may end up being the worst thing to happen to us, but life brought us together for reasons both of us are not sure of. We go on living life and find out the day we die who these people were, what the did for us, but at this point.. it's too late to thank them for making you, YOU

We have to learn to live life with no regrets. You should never regret something that once made you smile. You may not be proud of what happened or something you did, but never regret something that once brought you joy. As I sit and write, I think to myself.. Today, 6 years ago.. When my dad was sent to heaven.. I wonder what regrets he had in life. I wonder who let him down, who loved him, I wonder all the people my dad met over the years that shaped him to be the man I knew and loved.

Today is always an emotional day for me, But taking my own advice for once... I wanted to try and do something about that. I'm usually in a decent mood throughout the day, and everyone tells me how strong I am, or how well I'm holding up. I may seem like I'm okay.. and for the most part I am. I try not to dwell on the sad parts of my dads life, rather try and enjoy the good the day seems to bring. My dad was always an avid drinker of Mcdonalds Vanilla shakes.. or any vanilla shake in general. Sandra (my sister) recommended I swing by McDonalds and pick myself up a milk shake in his honor.. sadly I didn't.. Instead I opted for an ice cold budlight while I sit here and write. (budlight = another favorite of his). Things like that.. his favorite food, drink, etc make today turn from a sad day, to a day filled with memories. When life gives you 100 reasons to cry, show life you have 1000 reasons to smile.

Today on my commute I made it a point to swing by the cemetery and have a little chat with my dad. It's been a while since I paid him a visit.. On my way there, I thought WOW I haven't been to the cemetery in forever. Then I realized it's been a solid 2 months to the DATE since I've been to the cemetery.. I talk to my dad on a weekly/daily basis but usually only swing by the cemetery when something is bothering me and I need to just go somewhere.. pray, cry and just be alone. SO today, after work I swung by the cemetery.. as I pulled up, the sun was already setting, I could see two heart shaped balloons floating back and forth tied to his grave. For some reason these balloons stopped me in my tracks, and reminded me of the love my mother and him share. I took those 2 balloons as their two hearts.. tied together, still beating as one.

Sometimes life isn't as easy as sipping back a vanilla shake and remembering the good times, life is hard. There is no answer key, there is no rule book, there is just you. People who come in and out of our lives may give us hints and ideas as to what the answer to our life is, but really.. there isn't one. Today I woke up in an okay mood for what the day symbolized... but was still in somewhat of a funk. ...and no this funk had nothing to do with my previous night of drinking. I woke up just doubting people, knowing they were going to let me down. Nothing hurts more than having your hopes set so high for someone/something and IT just falling apart right before your eyes. Knowing once again you thought things could/would be different but they/it proved you wrong, again. They failed at making you happy. ...But what if we have our expectations set too high for other people? Well for the first time that I can remember in a long time... the high hopes that I had for someone today.. I shot them down, before this person even had the chance to prove me wrong/right. WELL.. they did. I had such high hopes and faith in someone today that they would reach out to me, in some way. And im proud to say.. the person who I know.. and the person who I care for so much.. did that. They did reach out. they proved me right :) literally... had me in shock, WHO AM I TO JUDGE SOMEONE? before judging them, I should judge myself and my actions.. look at myself and decide if this is really the person who I want to be.

So although someone may let you down over time, or you even let yourself down.. look and think.. did I set my own expectations too high? Sometimes the greatest surprises are the unexpected. So learn to live life day by day, don't take the moments you have for granted... you only have 86, 400 seconds in a day to, so make the most of it. And days when your not feeling yourself you always have family there to help you get through those rough patches in life. Family is the most important thing in life. There are days you love them, and others you don’t. But, in the end, they’re the people you always come home to. Sometimes it’s the family you’re born into and sometimes it’s the one you make for yourself. No matter who your family is, tell them you love them. don't let the seconds in the day go to waste being filled with hate, negative thoughts, or expectations set too high. In the end your only letting yourself down. Remember in life is not the number of breaths you take. It’s the number of moments that take your breath away.